I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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