Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Randomize
