I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
