Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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