Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
