My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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