worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
