I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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