i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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