Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
