somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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