he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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