your parents love me but you hate me
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
