Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I wish life had little blips of pornography
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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