If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
