"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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