I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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