I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I have fence marks all over my body
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
