hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
