I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
