do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
