Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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