if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
