Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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