im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
