he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize