Apparently you make a good broom.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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