You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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