He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
