This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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