hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize
