I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
