he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
