another moral hangover. fuck.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
