my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
