She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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