Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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