After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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