I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
