Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
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