Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
