I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
