Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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