omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
