if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
