i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize