She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
