Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
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