Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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