Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
