i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
