I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
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