Got a toothbrush?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize