Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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