ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
