if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
