your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
