So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
