You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
