We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
