and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
