dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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