so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
