either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize