I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
please come you make the beer taste better
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
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