I want to make a zoo with you.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Pooping to opera.
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