she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
