apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
