I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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