This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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