ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
