when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
