Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
