Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
