Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
the night ended with taco bell and tears
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
