how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
