Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
