come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize