what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
