I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
