there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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