is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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