I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
