It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
