Ambien. No doubt about it.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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