my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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