she smelled like a LAN party
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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