The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
