i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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