She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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