my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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