Welp...herpes.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
